This day is very quiet. A cold draft sneaks through the open window, slowly cooling my presence. Around me lay a wasteland of unnecessarily collected “stuffs” that were vacated from the rooms down the hall that required a new paint job. My wife and I seemed to drift into picking paint colors that were right for our moods. One room was gifted with an Aqua-Green-Soothing color and the other received a Yellow-Blaring-Sun-refreshing ambience.
Outside is dull and cloudy and whilst my spirit is not broken; the silence is deafening, threatening to unleash screams of an unknown emotion deep from within. I am not sure how to feel. Part of me feels scared at the prospect of looking for new employment. The other half feels empty as if I didn’t get a chance to bring closure to a job that I actually thoroughly enjoyed.
A browser window lays open behind this cyber notepad showing a sneak peak of search results I was looking at only a few moments ago. Live black text on a white background showing my search results for jobs in Toronto. This is new territory and something I am not quite used to. Hitting 40 with a less than 2 year old boy at home and a loving wife to care for. Her spirit seems broken yet she is remaining strong as she always does.
I could easily fall back and look up at despair at the troublesome meandering pathways I have walked through life. But what is the point? I need to shelve this empty feeling in my stomach that isn’t being resolved by eating. I am not hungry. I am yearning for a better life. I could sit here and throw empty words into the cloudy sky that is too busy trying to resist the chemical imbalance that humanity has created for her. She has other things to worry about and so do I.
I need to find a way to satiate my desire to forget about everything and dive into performing soul searching wikipedia articles in a bid to educate myself on nonsensical literature. Do I really care to read about why Lindsay Lohan went down the wrong path? Or should I jump on Youtube and watch an inspiring video on those who had made something from nothing. The answer is I need to do neither of these things. I need to wake up my dead legs and go paint one of the rooms. Perhaps the colors chosen will awake the tapestry of creative thought and exploration of my next venture. Metaphorically, I am going to close this door and open a new one. It’s time to stop wasting time on reflection. I can do that when I am retired in about 30 years.