Random Fictional story of corporate stupidity and sweet redemption


I can see it now. The world without any more game used items from our Hockey Legends. Here is a sample conversation that might be happening within the offices of a sports card manufacturer with a dash of creative license.

Marketing: “We need to include some Johnny Bower Jersey cards.”

Procurement: “But there are no more game worn jersey’s left of his to buy.”

Marketing: “Does he wear clothes?”

Procurement: “Um”. (scratching his head).. “Yes I am sure he does?”

Marketing: “Well let’s make sure we grab blue ones that he has worn during a game.”

Procurement: What do you mean blue ones?”  (He sips on his coffee nervously. Figuring he may need the caffeine rush to get through this painful conversation)

Marketing: “Well technically it is game used. He was at a game. He wore the clothes, hence game worn. Blue meaning make sure he wears Blue colors. They will match the artwork. They had only blue jerseys back then.”

Procurement: “Ok”. (Looks at his crackberry and texts his buddy that his marketing manager has lost his mind).” Ya…. I can ask him.”

Marketing: “Oh and let’s make sure he is seen on camera with those clothes and get them off him right away.”

Procurement:  “For what? Photomatching? Stained hot dog on shirt proof?”

Marketing: “Yes and get ‘em dry cleaned and tell them to do a crappy job so that the stain shows.”

Procurement: “ So what is he going to wear if I take all of his clothes?”

Marketing: “We got a bunch of free T-shirts. Hand him about 10 of those and that should be enough to cover the expenses of giving us his clothes.”

Procurement: “We can’t do that, we have to pay him. He has a rider in his contract with us that he is to be treated with dignity and respect and paid handsomely.”

Marketing:  (Stares out the window of his lofty perch with many empty whiteboards wallpapering his office. He heard what was said, and decides to make it a low priority) “Brilliant, we can partner up with a hotdog company and they can pay half the costs.”

Procurement: “Um”(Pauses) “ya sure. I will ask Johnny if we can get his clothes off him.“(Knows the marketing guy has clearly heard what he said about the treatment and respect owed to Johnny Bower and is clearly frustrated about this)

Marketing: “Ya make sure he gives him to you right after the game.”

Procurement: “So you want him in his underwear in a public place with 20, 000 screaming fans.” (Seeing if he can irritate the marketing manager)

Marketing: “No, we need the underwear too, I hope its Calvin Kleins. We can have them pay for the other half of the production.”

Procurement:  (Sits down in his office chair and ponders the stupidity of this entire situation. A few minutes later, he grabs his keys and heads for his car. He opens the car door and thinks to himself that he cannot ask Johnny for his undies. That would be a humiliating experience. More so for him than for Johnny. Suddenly he smiles and says to himself.  But I wear Calvin Klein’s!)

Fast Forward to product release day, 1 year in the future. Manufacturer is giving out redemptions to the customers who purchase a random box of hockey cards.

Random annoying pack ripper: “Hey man I was ripped off. I opened this box and didn’t get any Johnny Bower game used cards!” (Shows a moundful of empty wrappers besides a mangled empty product box to the employee at the company redemption booth)

Employee: (Calls the marketing manager down to deal with this person.)

Marking: “Give him a Johnny Bower card. We had extras made since we had so much left over material.“ (He winks at the employee who is suddenly happy to rid himself of this annoying customer.)

Employee: “Well here is a game used card for the trouble. In fact we have some extras of the Johnny Bower cards. In fact, it has some cool puck marks!”

Random annoying pack ripper: “Grabs the card and touches the fabric in the card. Wow that is cool! It even smells game used!”

Procurement: (Sips on his coffee and starts to grin from ear to ear. He excuses himself from the redemption booth and proceeds to go into the back of the show where only the staff is allowed to enter. By the time he left the booth and entered the back, he was in such a fit of laughter that he could not control himself. )

Marketing: “What on earth is your problem? Control yourself young man!”

Procurement: “Puck Marks! Bahhahhhh! There is no better feeling than redemption.“

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